if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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