You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
