i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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