Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
