Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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