I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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