Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
