It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
