If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
