you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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