The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
