this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
