Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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