we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
