I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
