Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
