I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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