your thong is hanging out like whoa
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
