Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
