I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
