it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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