Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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