I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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