You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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