Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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