On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
