I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
