I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize