So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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