I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
