this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
