just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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