My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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