Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
