My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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