I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize