Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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