If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize