Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Who died my cat blue again?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
