If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
