I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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