Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
