Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
