i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
