It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
