if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
