I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
