My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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