do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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