Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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