I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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