This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
