What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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