I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
