I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
