Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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