dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
