I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
