I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
