half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
