Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize