the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
