she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
