My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
