I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
