sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
