I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
