I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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