He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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