So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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