I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
