I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The ass gains better be worth it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
