Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
