Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
