i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
