I am in a vortex of obligation.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize