I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
