Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
