my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
