so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
