Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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