Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is Oprah even human
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
