I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you never un-have a 4some
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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